BED OF ROSES (35)

Directed by: Michael Goldenberg

Starring: Mary Stuart Masterson, Christian Slater

The Pitch: A mysterious gift of flowers brings romance into the life of a workaholic, emotionally-closed woman.

Theo Sez: A case of trying to have it all ways - presumably the writer-director, like his hero, would give a little boy a combination Christmas present of a book and a computer game, keep the kid happy without shirking his duty to be "responsible". The said hero is a former Wall Street trader (energy, virility) turned bohemian flower-child (tenderness, sensitivity), and is thus a perfect Prince Charming to awaken the emotions of our heroine, trapped in her career like the misguided ladies of pre-feminist comedy - except of course that this isn't a comedy. It's a full-scale slushfest, turning improbably serious (i.e. "responsible") in the second half, decking itself out in psychobabble - the heroine isn't just an undersexed yuppie, but is unable to truly love because of her abused childhood. Needless to say it reverts to urban-fairytale mode in time for the happy ending, leaving little in its wake but the occasional stray thought - e.g. that, what with this and MARY REILLY (and even THE CABLE GUY), abused childhoods are fast replacing romantic disappointments as the favourite dark-reason-from-the-past for emotional hang-ups in Hollywood movies. It's as though we're all expected to bounce right back from bad relationships and broken hearts, but anything our parents may have done leaves us scarred for life.