ERASER (34)

Directed by: Charles Russell

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Caan, Vanessa Williams

The Pitch: Arnie, No. 1 agent in the Witness Protection Program, must protect a gorgeous witness from high-placed bad guys and double-crossing colleagues.

Theo Sez: The umpteenth instalment in the ongoing saga "Arnold Schwarzenegger: Man or Humanoid?" is a very efficient if very conventional slice of thick-ear, heavy on action-movie cliches and fancy weaponry (best gizmo: a grenade that spews a barrage of mean-looking metal spikes as it explodes), but perilously low on wit or indeed humour, finally having to rope in a bunch of buffoonish Mafiosi more suited to a John Hughes movie. Inoffensive because it's so unpretentious, coming across almost as a straight-to-video action movie: big explosions, functional characters, a banal, over-obvious score and an absence of memorable one-liners (the exception, proving the rule: "Earth. Welcome."). One only wonders if that's all $100 million buys you nowadays.