FATHERS' DAY (32)

Directed by: Ivan Reitman

Starring: Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Nastassia Kinski

The Pitch: A woman whose 16-year-old son has run away from home tells two different ex-boyfriends that the kid is theirs.

Theo Sez: I have a recurring nightmare about Robin Williams. In my dream, Robin and I are stuck together on a desert island ; and he just won't shut up. Days pass. I scan the horizon anxiously. Still Robin Williams yammers on, relentless in his determination to entertain me. "Robin, please," I say, "enough already!" He launches into a hyperactive stream-of-consciousness shtick, peppered with pop-culture references. "Don't you understand?" I wail. "I want you to shut up! Please, I'll do anything you want - just shut up!" I yell imprecations at him ; he responds by doing a funny-spastic little dance, arms akimbo. I pound at him with my fists ; he belts out a show-tune. I hurl coconuts at his head ; he does quick impressions of a rap artist, Stanley Kowalski and a Puerto Rican hairdresser. I try throwing him to the sharks ; they throw him back...Then of course I wake up and realise I've just been feeling the after-effects of this vaguely enervating comedy, featuring Robin in full flow albeit overshadowed slightly by the competing shtick of Billy Crystal. It's agreeable enough, except that it goes all gooey whenever families are mentioned and has enough plot for about half its length ; still, anything that keeps people like Robin and Billy off the streets is all right by me...