A PERFECT MURDER (38)

Directed by: Andrew Davis

Starring: Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow, Viggo Mortensen

The Pitch: An arrogant financier hatches a plan to dispose of his unfaithful wife.

Theo Sez: Second-rate Hitchcock becomes second-rate Andrew Davis : not the same, really. Douglas's labyrinthine diction, making a three-course meal out of every sentence ("I saw Raquel today." "Ah, and how is the Castilian femme fatale?") aims to convince us he's a Wall Street big-shot, just as evening gowns and luxurious penthouses aim to convince that The Rich Are Different - though nothing, alas, can make Paltrow convincing as a senior UN aide, even with the script re-jigged to make her character more forceful and less of a victim (and of course the story is essentially feminist, mocking men's assumptions that they can control and manipulate the "softer sex"). The murder scene itself remains effective but the rest is terribly flabby, giving us - despite the spurious sheen of glamour, and the over-insistent efforts of the wall-to-wall score - way too much time to think about the increasingly unlikely goings-on, and to ask increasingly awkward questions. Why does Douglas behave so suspiciously on the day of the murder? Why does he forget to retrieve his key (a vital clue), especially when he has a week to himself after the murder? Why does Mortensen start blackmailing him, when he has even more to lose by the truth coming out (and everything to gain by waiting patiently for another attempt)? Why does he change the venue of their meeting at the last moment and for no apparent reason (except so the film can contrive it for Douglas to be at the apartment just in time to intercept an important phone call, setting up a 'dramatic' climax)? Why doesn't Paltrow go to the police when she finds the dead man's key? Why can't she open the front door when it's the back-door key that's missing? Why, come to that, does she strip down to her underwear (yum) just to make a phone call? And what's Constance Towers, good as it is to see her, doing in the Blythe Danner part (soft-edged, patrician mother)? Wasn't Blythe available? Had she read the script, perhaps? How's a person supposed to concentrate - much less enjoy, or be thrilled by a movie - with all these distractions?